broken

 

I am broken

Cracked and worthless

But you have spoken

And made me priceless

Use me; a lost cause

I choose to do your will

In my broken life I pause

My soul, my spirit you will fill

I’m yours completely

Make me whole and full of faith

Your spirit is within me

I’ll give you all the praise

Make me new and mold me

Pull each string that moves me

It’s you who’ll ever hold me

I want to live for you boldly

Moonlit Phantom

 

A world of darkness waits outside your door

Your fears burst to life with each creak of the floor

Shadows shift and catch your gaze

Your mind is fogged; try to clear the haze

Moonlight creeps in through the cracks in the shutters

‘Your not alone’ the breeze whispers and mutters

With nerves on edge, your mind plays tricks

Is that a hand at the window? Or a bunch of twisted sticks

Each noise and sound chills you to the bones

A stair creaks, the heavy door moans

You chastise yourself; you’re just being dumb

A figure in the doorway, your mind goes numb

Close your eyes, your palms start to sweat

‘Get a grip’ you scold, but can do nothing but fret

Your eyes snap open, then even more wide

The figure is gone and there’s no place to hide

Roll over on your shoulder and rest your weary head

It was all in your mind, you’re safe and warm in your bed

Moonlight glints and makes the knife gleam

With a flash makes contact, leaving no time to scream…

slow bleed

 

♦

in a little black box

hidden high up on a shelf

sits a cold, lonely heart

in very poor health

& there all alone is where it stays

thudding softly; greatly abused

never has there been a heart

quite as thoroughly misused

hearts are meant for loving

not to be hidden

locked away safe & tight

letting love out is forbidden

so weak & so faint

its melody has long since died

no rhthym left now

no sound comes from inside

sing to it now

as u once did

to return it to good health

restore to it joy of a kid

dont gaze on it any longer

its sight is suddenly a curse

to discover something quite unknown

compared to lonlieness is worse

stab it harder, farther now

with your sharpest knife

drain it of every ounce of blood

torture to make it writhe

work your voodoo magic now

bring the pain, bring it deep

stab it swift & quick & true

a wound that's deep & slow to bleed

\

the tree

 

the tree that bears such bitter fruits

Each hangs as if on a noose

Withered away to not but chaff

empty & rotten to the core

Ravens of loathing do so adore

the bittersweet taste of death

they carry the seeds far and wide

spreading misery to all they find

sprouting up fresh trees of hurt

Regret

 

.. ..

Void of feeling, emotion, thought

This musty emptiness is bought

A heart charred black ‘round the fringe

Simply because one has sinned

.. ..

Poison spreading through one’s veins

Inside one’s soul the numbness reigns

Death-marked is the blood—every ounce

All’s left is the last, fatal pounce

.. ..

Sluggish blood in a blackened pulse

Lead to slow painful result

Lethargic heart; the worn-out pump

Disperses mercenaries with every thump

.. ..

Faint, unnoticeable is the beat

Who knew defeat could be so sweet?

A soul from salvation is starved

In the flesh that the sin is carved

.. ..

Defeat is here; this is the end

Sin—with which one’s life, one spends

Lungs draw your last and forget

A soul stained, tainted with regret

the petals of the world

The petals of the world are white

Deceptively, they shine out bright

.. ..

And we choose only to see,

Gorgeous color; divine beauty

.. ..

Softer than the mist and the foam

Of oceans wherever you could roam

.. ..

The world; innocent as a rose

Seems perfect in its practiced pose

.. ..

Shining out with a light

Shining into the darkness of the night

.. ..

But the light is dim- in reality.

A brighter light, there must be

.. ..

Perhaps it is only me,

Made up in my head, surely

.. ..

But I believe it is not,

It is the truth the world has forgot

.. ..

Deceiving; a world without scorn

Reach out to grasp it, but flesh meets thorn

too many troubles take your pretty away

 

♦

im falling apart it feels so literal
 i can see the open hole in my chest & there thuds my bleeding heart
tears sizzle as they blend with the blood that drips to the floor
 creating pools of diluted scarlet i lack the strength to defend
so much to do i dont know how to start
where to begin this messy task
of collecting the shattered pieces of my mind
 its as though my spirit itself will depart
i claw out to grab a handhold
to keep from sinking too far into me
to get out of this inky pit of despair
i try to swallow myself up whole
 breathing is too much of a pain to bear
the breath in my lungs has turned to glass
blood trickles from my lips like poison
 i wish to simply disappear
i feel like im being compressed
stretched to my limits and even farther then
giving up my very being; ive sold my soul to this mess
im living just for living's sake
 i need something more to sustain me
i need a sense of renewed joy
because too many troubles take your pretty away

Walls

 

i dont understand how i still have tears left to cry
 im promising myself again that i wont let this hurt.
another promise made, another promise broken...

the wall is built again so dont expect to get in
because i cant even see u there over my refuge built out of old fears
this heart wont be pierced again

i refuse to let it be my disgrace
i wont as i turn to stare my old pain in the face
it takes my breath away and i cry again

tumultuous sunset

What here?

this twilight turns black!

What innocence remained in the blissful ignorance of this sin?

what dark spots blight the beautiful sky?

such clouds as to burst open into a downpour of rain like acid

Burning and stinging my flesh as it lands

Roll across s once blue sky to blemish the angelic face of the heavens

What here?

the sea is crimson!

What peace do those unforgiving waves hold for me?

What rest can i find in their darkest depths?

Such raging waters, yet so peaceful and still

I reach out to receive whatever gift they have for me

No forgiveness here; no cleansing

What here?

The days grow dark!

What stone veil of darkness surrounds my heart?

What clouds block the warm rays of the sun?

No more do they caress my skin

No! they burn and smolder me in my vulnerability

The joy turned to despair from my own guilty conscience

What here?

The fields are ablaze!

What? Is the promise ruined and burned away?

What once was pure and virtuous now savagely demolished

All in the name of greed that incinerates

What churns in this belly of mine?

The fire burns away my merits leaving naught but desolation

What here?

The mountains crumble!

To what pagan god do they bow?

Their strength is razed as they humble themselves

They submit willingly to this horrible lust for supremacy

In gaining strength, I've been weakened more so

What strength in the knees of a contrite king?

What here?

The rain is blood!

What? Let not this curse be bestowed on me

Wipe it quickly from my brow!

What constant deluge from the bloody clouds

Let not it touch my skin again

I burn from the inside out; my heart is alight!

What here?

The earth turns to cliffs!

What voice entices me to their very edge?

Far below the ocean waits with mouth agape

This, my sanity, is left behind as i reach out and embrace this fate

My fall is violent from the protrusion

As the blackness reaches out to greet me as a friend

What here?

The ocean is a troubled mind!

What crimson waters swallow me whole?

My impact generates turbulent ripples

The blackness of myself has engulfed me

It drags me down into the depths of my soul

Obliterating all assets left of my being

What here?

Fire burns my hands!

What raging internal flame is this that singes them so?

Look! See how they turn red!

Not red, no! crimson as blood. It is blood. Away, out spots out!

Stained! what? stained forever

My hands wet and crimson perpetually with the pifered life of the lamb

What here?

The sun sets red!

What lamb is sacrificed to a lion's greed?

An innocent is slain for the title that crowns his head

What deep gashes in hands and side of the sacrifice untainted in its virtue

Have been ripped and torn into the flesh

The paling cheeks speak as mine own failing heart

~Marissa Bent

29 May 2009

my white rabbit

so long ive chased this elusive dream

its been my entire purpose for living and breathing

chasing shadows in my mind

anything to prevent this grieving

i wish there could be something more to breathe for

a new reason to open my eyes with the dawn of the sun

the moon is all that guides my path to find my hidden sanctuary

the solemn place to which i run

Push this thorn deeper into my heart with every loving word

Kill me softly with each gentle touch or glance

add to my list of grief a mile long

giving me all that i have wanted so much

Kiss my lips make the pain disappear

bring me my white rabbit on a silver plate

skinned & exposed to reveal the bare truth

Love me less & relieve this heart-wrenching ache

Rearranged

Rearranged

♠

Everything she touches fades... A blossoms beauty diminished and wanes with each new days dawned another hope she finds & every sun that sets is another Love that dies needs a new way to spend her days when the end seems so far away Stands out in the pouring rain at night waiting for it to take her life pray that lightning strikes a change pray for her heart to be rearranged & beneath the stars she sits and cries: 'so yet another Love dies!' raindrops fall to the song she once sang only to remind her of all the pain beneath the stars she waits for a sign wishing truth existed for her to find pray that lightning strikes a change pray for her heart to be rearranged

uprooted

Uprooted

Twisted & rooted in evil

surrounded by darkness

gnarled & knotted

embracing the thorny soil

growing in two directions

ever deepening into the earth

ever straining for Heaven

in the darkness & the light

stretching upward

exerting energy to grab the sky

but being dragged downward

by the weight of the world

eternally awaiting uprooting

The Red Morning

            My foot touches the loathed ground of my prison and the door of the car slams behind me, building another barrier between me and the woman who brings pain in the way only family knows how; and another fight is added to the tally. I walk weakly to the entrance without glancing back at the pinkest sunrise that had once given me joy; it is only a reflection of last night’s blood red sunset. The hollow feeling swells in my chest as I pass through the threshold into a hallway, that has always taken the resemblance of the dark passageway leading to a gas chamber, and I am hardly able to drag my weary bones down to collapse in front of the room of so much mixed joy and loathing: the choir room.

            The floor is hard and cold, reflecting the day to day struggles faced, and yet it seems much more comfortable than any downy comforter and mattress at that moment and I am paralyzed by heavy limbs and sleepy eyes. The leaden footfalls of the red-eyed zombies reverberate off the vast and empty walls while they meander aimlessly, as wraiths haunted by the red daemons that force them to walk on for all eternity; for that is every day in itself, an eternity. And thus another red day, another red eternity begins and ends only for that brief, breath of time between eternities, before all obligations become renewed, in that brief moment alone there is happiness, the moment when red eyes seal and the red sun sets crushing with it the potential the day had as yet another day is swallowed up in a sea of red, diluted only by the invisible tears for the wasted potential and the conformity to the mediocre.

Summer Rains

Summer Rains

.. ..

In the surrounding stormy sky

Can be perceived the faintest echo

Of a fair maiden’s final sigh

That stole her soul from the greedy world

It stole her very life

Carried with the tears that rain down

On midsummer night’s eve

.. ..

Once carried on the summer night

The lilt of melodious if melancholy laughter

Blessing every ear on its flight

The fairest maiden graced the land

With skin as pure as the moonlight

And her lips like crimson

Held a hidden kiss in the far corner

.. ..

Oh to win the fairest and dearest prize!

So many men did wish to woo

They saw such beauty in her eyes

Her love was coveted by all in the land

But she alone knew the truth from the lies

She knew the elixir from the venom

The scarlet from the white

.. ..

A prince came on his flying steed

And stole her heart away

She only tried not to deceive

She showed the deepest taint in her soul

Too scared to love too scared to leave

Her truth was exposed and his love soured

In a moment her heart had shattered

.. ..

Seeing and lamenting over so much pain

He gave her the love that could save her

Could purge the darkest taint from her veins

And she embraced the poison willingly

She saw the truth and chance for escape

In the open arms and open heart he offered

Knowingly she embraced her fate

.. ..

She flew to love to cleanse her stains

She loved and died under the summer rains

Wave on the Shore

Wave on the Shore

She stood alone on the protrusion 

overlooking a restless sea

& recognized the likeness

of her own fretful heart

that beat out

a wild tune

to which no foot could dance but her own

They fell away in exhaustion & despair

having failed to secure her affection & love

She remained unfeeling & cold 

to their endeavors

for they were futile 

& polluted the unpredictable tune she sang

& the glowing heart that no one could capture

remained wild & pure 

As impossible to hold on to

as a wave upon the shore

Kissed by a rose

Kissed by a Rose♠

Breathe a bit deeper;

inhale the sweet fragrance

of the Blossom--

Blooming only from between

the cracks- of a broken heart

Nourished solely by the Blood-

the Tears of the mending process

kiss from a Rose;

a quick breath of Heaven--

Across the Sea

Across the Sea

Across the water--

across the reckless waves of life

across the ocean vast--

across the emotions and salty tears

across the waves--

across the crazy times of strife

across the sea--

across the hazy stream of years

past the water--

past  the endless sea of faces

past the ocean vast--

past the contemplation

past the waves--

past the steady stream of places

past the sea--

past the desperation

beyond the days--

promise you'll return to me

beyond the painful years--

fly home to my arms

beyond forever--

hold me and don't let go

beyond eternity--

kiss me across the sea